tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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