my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
