I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
