Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
