she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
