just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
