the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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