He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
