How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
