I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize