Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
