i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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