So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
