This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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