yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
