I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
