just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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