Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
