remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
