worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
