and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
