So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
