wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
