her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
