He disabled his match.com account in front of me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
