Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
