i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize