____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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