Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
