I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
