I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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