Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
