I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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