My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Porn is love you can see.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sorry about my life...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize