we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
