I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize