I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
