So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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