So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
