You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize