It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
