i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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