Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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