When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
