You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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