Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
