its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
