he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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