I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
