'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
