i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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