so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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