I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
