Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
