but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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