Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
