i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize