I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
