It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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