Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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