im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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