I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
