Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You can't motorboat a personality
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
