12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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