Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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